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CHUNGA! Kuna Miiba ya Samaki ndaani ya Ugali huu.

I have no trackable history in supporting any political party. I’m neither a political fanatic nor an annalist, but there’s one thing you have to know before you vote. There are two governments in this scramble : The first, say’s ‘hatuko pamoja’ that’s to mean a person (especially from Central kenya)should live in their home county’, and The second say’s ‘tuko pamoja’, to mean Kenya is for us all and you can live in any county you feel like.
***
The first government is busy  brewing inter-tribal violence during and after election under the guise of campaign. It’s party has good manifesto, in fact it has promised a lot of free things. However, the party leaders are camouflaging behind this manifesto, though there is underlying violence and putrescence in the whole scheme. I don’t want to consecrate or demonize anyone, that’s how things are 
***
Sycophants have it in their hearts that,  the first government’s mission is to make a heaven for (some) Kenyans to enjoy flashy life. But my question is: can one really enjoy life when there’s no peace in the country? Well, the answer may not be significant now but soon it will. As you know, a person cannot go to heaven alive,  he/she has to die first. And that is the only way we will enjoy what this gang(political party) has promised. We have to die first, (probably through a tribal war) to see and relive this heaven. 
***
An expedition to Canaan, is well schemed, but the major set back remains- there’s tribal discrimination( because this journey is not for all kenyans, but a few proud individuals from the other side of the country and selected few from other places). Why do I say this? The chief gangster, is darting around telling all the  communities affiliated to his party that members of a certain tribe should be displaced and send back to their home county. This was further amplified by some hateful remarks he made while in Kajiando. 
***
The  catastrophic wind of his words is violently blowing to some parts of Ukambani(except Machakos ) and other parts in western Kenya. Overturning unity, destroying neighborhood bonds and weakening trust among the people of Kenya. 
***
Leadership is a call(ing), but some leaders missed the call. In fact, he should tell us his stand- whether he is a political leader or a shaman ? Why incite a community against another? Why saw seeds of hate and tribal discord? 
***
Anyway ,(forgive me coz I sometimes get silly ) do you prefer a thief that steals from you peacefully or the one that beats you and then steals from you? Well, any reasonable person would prefer the one that steals peacefully. 
Vote wisely.Vote peace! 
Vote Unity! Vote love
***
Hii ugali ina miiba ya samaki ndaaani. Chunga kundungwa. 
****
See your life. See yourself!

CHUNGA! Kuna Miiba ya Samaki Ndani Ya Hii Ugali.

I have no trackable history in supporting any political party. I’m neither a political fanatic nor an annalist, but there’s one thing you have to know before you vote. There are two governments in this scramble : The first, say’s ‘hatuko pamoja’ that’s to mean a person (especially from Central kenya)should live in their home county’, and The second say’s ‘tuko pamoja’, to mean Kenya is for us all and you can live in any county you feel like.
***
The first government is busy  brewing inter-tribal violence during and after election under the guise of campaign. It’s party has good manifesto, in fact it has promised a lot of free things. However, the party leaders are camouflaging behind this manifesto, though there is underlying violence and putrescence in the whole scheme. I don’t want to consecrate or demonize anyone, that’s how things are
***
Sycophants have it in their hearts that,  the first government’s mission is to make a heaven for (some) Kenyans to enjoy flashy life. But my question is: can one really enjoy life when there’s no peace in the country? Well, the answer may not be significant now but soon it will. As you know, a person cannot go to heaven alive,  he/she has to die first. And that is the only way we will enjoy what this gang(political party) has promised. We have to die first, (probably through a tribal war) to see and relive this heaven.
***
An expedition to Canaan, is well schemed, but the major set back remains- there’s tribal discrimination( because this journey is not for all kenyans, but a few proud individuals from the other side of the country and selected few from other places). Why do I say this? The chief gangster, is darting around telling all the  communities affiliated to his party that members of a certain tribe should be displaced and send back to their home county. This was further amplified by some hateful remarks he made while in Kajiando.
***
The  catastrophic wind of his words is violently blowing to some parts of Ukambani(except Machakos ) and other parts in western Kenya. Overturning unity, destroying neighborhood bonds and weakening trust among the people of Kenya.
***
Leadership is a call(ing), but some leaders missed the call. In fact, he should tell us his stand- whether he is a political leader or a shaman ? Why incite a community against another? Why saw seeds of hate and tribal discord?
***
Anyway ,(forgive me coz I sometimes get silly ) do you prefer a thief that steals from you peacefully or the one that beats you and then steals from you? Well, any reasonable person would prefer the one that steals peacefully.
Vote wisely.Vote peace!
Vote Unity! Vote love
***
Hii ugali ina miiba ya samaki ndaaani. Chunga kundungwa.
****
See your life. See yourself!

General Election

This- I want to tell you
The season is due
The climate is terrible and tense
Fear evident and dense.

Campaign is about to end
Some promise and pretend
But come that day, while in the queue
Carry your head with you.

Don’t just choose ‘our own ‘
But your very own- without a frown
Jog your brain and switch it on
To avoid any crazy confusion.

For this is a general election
Make the wisest selection
Otherwise,  I meekly beg you. please!
Preach and propagate peace!

√Note:
•’our own ‘ –> means, a candidate from your tribe
•’your very own ‘ (singular )–>means, your favorite candidate

ACT 5 Scene II

(It’s is afternoon. Kinuthia, Jane and I are busy chatting in Joan’s room, though she is absent )
JOEL: Wachira, you must be crazy.
ME: Why, Broo?
JOEL: This – why didn’t you pick my call in the morning. I called you almost ten times.
ME: Ooh, Sorry for that! My phone was on silent mode.
JOEL: Phone is not a wallet to be kept in the rear pocket the whole day. Why are you treating yours like one?
ME: You are too theoretical. What exactly is your point.
JOEL: Simple and short. Mobile phone should always be kept or carried in hand.
ME: Haha (Jane giggles )
JOEL: Yeah. It should be that way.
ME: Okay I get you. Otherwise, what were you to… (My phone rings . Attention shifted to phone ). Now who’s this…new number? I won’t pick !
JANE: Haha is it your village girlfriend? Who…
ME: No.  I don’t have one from the there.
JANE: Fine. Why don’t you pick it then…or the caller owes you some money?
ME: Oh no!
JANE: Okay, I see. But I know you more than you know yourself.
ME: Sure? Tell…(Joel interrupts)
JOEL: Stupid!  Pick this call…(drags the ‘answer’ key/icon to the right. Then puts the phone on my ear.  Holds it tightly there )
ME: Hey there!
CALLER: Hello!
ME: Yes,  boss man!
CALLER: How are you, sir?
ME: Fine thank you. But I don’t like that title – SIR!  I’m not yet sir, but sah. You get it? (I spell it ) s -a-h!
CALLER: Well, I missed your call. How… (I cut him short )
ME: Oooh yeah. I was calling the chief editor- Wazito Publishers. Are you the one…this’ a new number?
CALLER: Yes, please. But this is not my office contact…but the one you used is.  Otherwise, how can I help?
ME: Simple! I had called to follow up on my drama manuscript. I submitted it seven months ago for review, but since then I have not heard from you. I have been emailing you people. No reply!
CALLER :Uum…sorry! Remind me your name please.
ME: I’m Wachira, and the title of my play is- The Drama of Democracy and Devolution.
CALLER : Oooo-key!  Unfortunately, we haven’t gone through the manuscripts send this year. I apologize! We, the editorial department, are currently busy reviewing some documents…in the advent of general elections.
ME: Boss man!  I,  hate aetiological stories. Just tell me the truth…you either don’t like it or it is substandard? You ‘ve taken soo long…until my suspicion grew too big.
CALLER: Cool down, sir!
ME : Boss man, this is the second and last reminder! I’m not sir, but Sah, spelling,  s…a…h. Hurry up or else I will bring my real self there…in red eyes. (Joel lets go off the phone allows me to hold it myself )
CALLER: Okay,  the staff in the editorial department is extremely busy with general election voter manuals and other publications.
ME: Hey!  I’m now in flames! Burning! I will come and over turn everything there.
CALLER: Listen…(hesitates)
ME: Man, save me of these narratives. Take another minute, my patience is quickly developing wings. I swear! I’ll come over there and create news now now. Yes, give papers an incident to write about. The news headlines will read, ” Possessed Playwright brings Wazito Publishers to a Stand Still.”
CALLER :Well, it is highly regretted that your work is too sensitive as far as the state stability is concerned. Therefore, we can neither offer nor afford to publish your play. It is revolutionary, I mean it can insight the people against the government.
ME: Yes, Boss man. You’ve at last come home. I knew it even before submission ,long before even setting myself to write it.
CALLER: Your play can spark war against the government.
ME: Yes, (my) drama is dangerous, it is dreadful.
It rekindles reality
It reincarnates reason
It reinstates reasoning
It rears respect
It reverberates relentlessness
It is rude reaction
A revolutionary review.
CALLER : Are, or were you a poet…you sound like Okot P’Bitek.
ME: I don’t think so. I’m just a purely possessed playwright.
CALLER: You must be a comedian, then. Anyway, back to our topic…
ME: Yes, man.
CALLER: Peace is sweeter than honey. You know?
ME: True. Peace, I say the real peace, is sweeter than sugar, sweet itself or the sweetness itself. Infact, it is sweeter than the sweetest thing in the world. But… (Jane and Joel, makes hand gestures dramatizing that they want to leave. I nod and they leave)…there can never be peace without ‘war ‘.  A person has no peace when they are hungry, thirsty, sick or poor.
CALLER : So you love it when people fight?
ME: Yes, ofcourse.
CALLER : You are too funny. By the way, where do you come from?
ME: Mabondeni!
CALLER: Funny place name, still. Quite interesting. Where is that?
ME: You cannot know…since there is neither a tarmac road nor electricity- the world still undiscovered. Haha! The government itself doesn’t know it.
CALLER: You have a grudge with the government, it seems. Everyone else is happy with the way the country is run. Do you have any personal issue with the President?
ME: Never. Don’t misquote me. When I say government, I don’t refer to the President of the state, or the President of the opposition state. No. I mean the whole system, from :  Country Government, Opposition Government, County Government, Constituency Government, Ward Government, Church Government, School Government, Family Government…etcetera…from top to the bottom. I hate the way this system operates. But I have no issue with anyone in particular, but the system.
CALLER : So that’s why you want people to kill each other, burn homes and destroy property.
ME: It is more funny how you cannot understand a simple metaphor.  War- I mean struggle to liberate ourselves. By changing our mindsets, reshaping our political culture and being empirical in whatever statement we make.
CALLER : Your personality…(I interrupt)
ME: Conforms to that of any playwright (who is not a sycophant ) in the world, more than it –  universe!
CALLER: This is why we could not, and can never publish your play. You are a rude radical.
ME: That sounds too subjective.
CALLER: Believe me. You are a…(intervenes)
ME: A Marxist, and you are a man-eater. We are different like blood and milk, red and white!
CALLER: You are stupid!
ME: You are more than it. A sycophant!
CALLER:(Gets angry. Panting now )Be careful. I’m not the type of men you f**k around with. I am somebody very bad: mtu mbaya!
ME: Boss man, I want to be as clear as humanly possible…on this. Engaging me in a verbal strife is like putting your tongue inside a hive full of bees, or laying your clean shaven head on a bed(collective noun) of scorpions.
CALLER: My friend, are you sick?
ME: Yes, Boss man.
CALLER: Why are…(I interrupt)
ME: I’m sick because you are the disease.
CALLER: I’m coming for you. You are a very young lad,  very very small!
ME: Come! Come, Boss man!
CALLER!  Okay. Wait!
ME: Immediately you arrive here, don’t call…don’t even knock, just get in. You’ll find me here sipping hot tea.
CALLER: The Law of this land(of ours ) doesn’t knock. It doesn’t even book an appointment, it just comes.
ME: Well!  Mr Editor, I hope you won’t edit our conversation to criminalize my statements and assertions. Just to fix me – the son of the hills.
CALLER: Ahem!  Don’t mind, just…(Phone call ended!)

ACT 5

(It is 8:00am in the morning, Kinuthia is still asleep. Somebody knocks and Kinuthia wakes up, opens the door and finds Joan shivering. He is shocked for he is in a boxer and a vest only, so he hides behind the door,closes it a little and slides on a pair of shorts and then welcomes Joan).

KINUTHIA: Morning, baby girl! JOAN: (ignores the greetings) Yeah. Where is Joel?
KINUTHIA: Ahem! Why are you dodging my greetings? Or am I…
JOAN: Oooh sorry, not that way. KINUTHIA: Okay, just know that we are Africans by default and we cannot even a single day run from our own culture. No matter how westernized you, or we,  are. Greetings is one of the key jeweleries of this culture. When greeted you have to respond positively, I mean saying ‘I’m fine, I’m okay, all is well and others’, even though  you are troubled inside.

JOAN: True. That I know. But… (He cuts her short)
KINUTHIA: Listen!  That’s why when someone greets you, “how are you? ” You should say you’re fine ,or okay even though you are sick or haven’t  eaten anything for the last three days. Yes. But against the norms to answer greetings negatively- I’m not fine,  or more worse ignoring them totally. It shows personal differences, enmity or high voltage animosity among the parties involved.
JOAN: Hey, boy. (grinned sarcastically)You sound like a professor of culture and taboos.
KINUTHIA: Haha ,you are pumping my ego so-o much. It might blow off any time soon, so, restrict the current of your flattery.
JOAN: We are now going astray. Our conversation was supposed to take us to Canaan but now it is taking us to Iraq and Pakistan. From friendship to fight.
KINUTHIA: That’s what happens when you violate societal norms. Strife. People will redden eyes and click across your nose, each and everyday you try to maim a peoples culture.
JOAN: That sounds ridiculous. One must be highly uncivilized to frown because his /her fellow human has violated cultural norms.
KINUTHIA: I was once slapped for by an adult stranger for greeting him using the sort of greetings that are typically directed from adults to children. But I had done it the other way round. That granny must have deemed it as the lack of respect associated with modern and ‘town kids’.
JOAN: She must be a ferocious savage. Why slap a kid for that?
KINUTHIA: No. She was right. She is a caring custodian of African cultural norms and believes.
JOAN: Enough of this banal lecture. Now, answer my question. Where is Joel?
KINUTHIA: He woke up before dawn and left to a destination only known by him.
JOAN: What do you mean?
KINUTHIA: He left when I was sound asleep.
JOAN: Ignorance will one day cost you. That doesn’t make you any safe or clever, after all he is your roommate, and in case anything bad happens to him, in one way or the other you must be held responsible.
KINUTHIA: Enough of that legal banter. I need to start my day at a good note. You should have…( Before he finishes. He phone rings, Joel is calling. Picks the call).Hello, boy!
JOEL: Hi, Mr ‘Dry Spell’. Morning.
KINUTHIA: It is good. But that ka-name should be used contextually and selectively.
JOEL: Mine is good, but….and by the way have you seen my…yes, Josephine?
KINUTHIA: No I haven’t seen her. I have just woken up. And where did you go that early?
JOEL: Good, today I must give a romantic surprise. I went to town to check whether HELB has wired something into my account. But I’m disappointed, there is nothing. My account was even deactivated for being dormant for five months. Otherwise, I will see how…you know there are several techniques to kill a cat, not just beating. Common sense.
KINUTHIA: Well, Joan is here looking for you.
JOEL: Serious? Stop kidding…(ends the call)
JOAN: Who was he that he was asking whether you have seen?
KINITHIA: (smiles cunningly ). You.
JOAN: Don’t think that I’m that stupid…or deaf. I have heard.
KINUTHIA: Well, I have no say. I told you the truth, but you pretended to know much. Lets overthrow this government.
JOAN: (Walks out enraged. Bangs the door and shouts)Black Monkey!
KINUTHIA: (mumbles inaudibly) Armpits stinking like a skunk. I was even helping you!(Wachira Gets in accompanied by Josphine)
WACHIRA: Hey, boy! Why are you so bitter. I have never seen you this hot, burning with anger.
JOSPHINE: Or has your girlfriend been snatched by a sponsor (elderly rich man )?
KINUTHIA: (Ignores) Hey! How are you friends?
WACHIRA and JOSPHINE:(In unison). We are good.
JOSPHINE: Though not that good. I hate it when my friend is troubled.
KINUTHIA: Okay, thanks. (Stretches his hand, switches on his 330Watts subwoofer, plays his favorite song : Wake up, by Jah Cure. He turns the volume knob until the whole room sounds like a night club.) Music is my muse.

WACHIRA: Cool down, man. (Kinuthia raises the volume even higher, I guess now 85%. Everything is trembling, cockroaches and rats runs out of their hideouts. The rattle is so much for them to withstand.
Kinuthia is nodding his head, up and down, closing eyes while his left hand index finger pointing to the sky, like Jamaican Rastafarians do)
JOSPHINE: (starts to sing along )Jah children wake up, and stop walking in your sleep. Lift your heads up its no time to take defeat. If we knock and it no open, we shall surely push it over.
WACHIRA:(Takes over Josephine. The volume is too high. He is sing shouting. Vessels on the straining neck are now showing up. Strong and thick like a sisal fibre rope) Where is love, they sing about so much? What….mmmm ( losts track)…they talk about so much. Everyday.
JOSPHINE: Man! Sir Deejay! Kinuthia, play another gwan. (Kinuthia ignores. Presses re-play button. And sleeps)
KINUTHIA: Thank you guys. I am indebted by my culture to thank you, even when you have completely done nothing good for me. It is my cultural obligation. Have yourselves a warm day. (jumps on bed, and wraps himself in a thick woolen duvet. Ignores the presence of the duo, until they go away )
JOEL: (knocks after ten minutes )Hey, Boy. Still abed?
KINUTHIA:(Jumps out of bed as if stung by bee. Opens the door ) Hey, me. You are now back?! Your ‘retired wife’ was here… (cuts him short)
JOEL: I am now back. Why are you playing so loud music? I thought you got yourself a first year, virgin. And you were busy drilling. (laughs madly)
KINUTHIA: (laughs to dilute embarrassment ) Always a comedian. You too funny, boy! Otherwise, what is planned for today?
JOEL: I must surprise that girl, my African godess today.
KINUTHIA: Haha! I heard you complain that there is no money, from HELB. How then will you?
JOEL: Kinuthia (straightens his jacket and adjusts his trousers), I am a fox. Tricked my mother and he send me two thousand shillings. I first tried my father, but he was too wise for me. He has been to campus, you know, he knows all these dirty tricks.
KINUTHIA: You are a samurai, boy. You wanted to kill two birds with the same stone? Anyway, which stone did you use?
JOEL: No we better hurry up. Sir, I will tell on the way. Personally, I am ready…it is you now who is delaying me.
KINUTHIA: I am ready too.
JOEL: Be serious. You haven’t taken a shower, brushed teeth or even taken breakfast. Man, don’t be this… I know the place is cold but, why don’t you… (cuts him short)
KINUTHIA:( Angry) Are we going to Town, or not going…now?
JOEL: Brush teeth, at least.
KINUTHIA: YES or NO? My question is very specific.
JOEL: Okay, we go.
KINUTHIA: I hope you are the boss, and you will find the whole project. I have no coin.
JOEL: Boy money to me is not a problem. I have countless wards of notes. Well monied like a thief!
KINUTHIA: Well, we go.
JOEL: But, I apologize, we will have to walk up to the main stage so that we can save that forty shillings, for lunch.
KINUTHIA: And, you said you have a lot of money like a thief of public money! Well, I understand.
JOEL: Lets board on this.
KINUTHIA: Nope! It looks like a museum, very old. Grotesque. And doesn’t have music system. Lets use the third one, in line.
JOEL: Fine, fine.
KINUTHIA: What did you tell him – your father

JOEL: The common lies. That we are having an academic tour to Mombasa and the charges are fifteen hundred shillings per head, other expenses are catered for. KINUTHIA: Haha, boy. That stone was too soft to throw at your father’s wallet. By the way how did he respond?
JOEL: He said he would only accept if I send her the contact of the lecturer in charge of the excursion. I coiled my tail and told him that lecturers don’t allow everyone to go giving out their numbers. It as a crime, punishable by law of Kenya. Privacy rights, you know. My father giggled, ended the call and kept quiet.
KINUTHIA: Haha, boy. You must be a comedian by birth. And your mother?
JOEL: Mum is a college material, and you know how strict some colleges are especially the TTCs. She pecked my bait and got hooked and hauled out of water like a fish – Tilapia.
KINUTHIA: Haha, but one day boy, Jah a go punish you for that. Cheating your mother is bad bad, not cool at all.
JOEL: Lets alight or else…
KINUTHIA: We were not going to main campus but town, CBD…Central Business District.
JOEL: You think you know this, like your small hostel cube… eh? Si we are going to Ngara Market, or what?
KINUTHIA: Lets go to CBD. Or are you planning to buy her a second hand dress?
JOEL: Oh lets go there, then.
KINUTHIA: Fine. Already there, lets alight.
JOEL